Hi! My name is Justin, I like turtles

I am a 44 year old, separated dude with three kids and i live in rural Upstate NY- come for the scenery, stay for the meth.

I don't drink a whole lot anymore. I used to be a hot fucking mess, and lets be honest- once a mess, always a mess. Amirite? My wife cheated on me and I took it extremely, extremely hard. I mean that wasn't the only thing going on at the time but I was already steps away from breaking mentally.

I used to drink at least 18 beers a day, rain or shine. Sickness or health, zero fuxx were given by this fella. Add in a couple high abv beers, a couple of Twisted Tea Silos, couple of doobers and I called that 'Monday Afternoon", fo realz. I then decided that it would be fun to dabble in cocaine again, because ya know, that whole decade of not touching the shit I certainly can't develop another problem with it, right? 😂

I developed suicidal thoughts and ideations, shit, i even tried to do it. In making my final preparations, as you would call it, I notice that suicide is not a covered benefit on my life insurance; cant't have that now can we. So I get to thinking..... I got it! I am gonna overdose! Why not right? Go out with a bang, like Cobain. So I stopped taking my high blood pressure meds for a couple of weeks, planned a weekend when the people I was staying with would be out of town and i prepared. Having never done meth before, I said fuck it, lets give it a whirl; shit is all over here. So I grab me a gram of that, idk how much that is, it's a gram by weight, I got an 8 ball of blow, I had 14 Xanax left from my script for that month and I got a 30 rack of Old Milwaukee. I picked a weekend when the folks I was staying with would not be home and I threw down, by myself. I did it all. Took me about a day and a half to do it all, trust me there was no fucking sleeping. A couple of times I think i came close, shit started fading out, I felt super weird, heart literally going to jump out of chest and profusely sweating- could have been the meth tho. As you can see, I did not succeed. What did happen though was I stayed up for 6 entire day and did not eat for 7. Those were some weird fucking days, man.

I then decided that I clearly was not my time to go or I can consume large quantities of drugs and be ok, for the most part. Neat, i guess. So started to pull my head out of my ass, slowly but surely. Throughout this entire debacle, which occurred over a timespan of roughly 4-5 months, There were moments of clarity, glimmers of hope, times of perseverance but I always backslid, not back to the dugs bad just from a depression perspective. I relied extremely heavily on am amazing group of friends, the core of whom are members here and they listened to me, gave me advice and most importantly tough love when I needed it. Where am i going with all of this? Fucked if I know. I wanted to share, cause that is what i do. I wanted to say hi and I wanted you all to know I am still alive.

I used to be incontrol of my life, my mind, my feelings and emotions. I am getting that back and i will not stop until I am successful.

Nobody gonna break my stride, nobody gonna hold me down.....



<3
I feel like you're just trying to get a free DDT shirt here.
 
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