Hi! My name is Justin, I like turtles

BadJustin

Staph
Staff member
I am a 44 year old, separated dude with three kids and i live in rural Upstate NY- come for the scenery, stay for the meth.

I don't drink a whole lot anymore. I used to be a hot fucking mess, and lets be honest- once a mess, always a mess. Amirite? My wife cheated on me and I took it extremely, extremely hard. I mean that wasn't the only thing going on at the time but I was already steps away from breaking mentally.

I used to drink at least 18 beers a day, rain or shine. Sickness or health, zero fuxx were given by this fella. Add in a couple high abv beers, a couple of Twisted Tea Silos, couple of doobers and I called that 'Monday Afternoon", fo realz. I then decided that it would be fun to dabble in cocaine again, because ya know, that whole decade of not touching the shit I certainly can't develop another problem with it, right? 😂

I developed suicidal thoughts and ideations, shit, i even tried to do it. In making my final preparations, as you would call it, I notice that suicide is not a covered benefit on my life insurance; cant't have that now can we. So I get to thinking..... I got it! I am gonna overdose! Why not right? Go out with a bang, like Cobain. So I stopped taking my high blood pressure meds for a couple of weeks, planned a weekend when the people I was staying with would be out of town and i prepared. Having never done meth before, I said fuck it, lets give it a whirl; shit is all over here. So I grab me a gram of that, idk how much that is, it's a gram by weight, I got an 8 ball of blow, I had 14 Xanax left from my script for that month and I got a 30 rack of Old Milwaukee. I picked a weekend when the folks I was staying with would not be home and I threw down, by myself. I did it all. Took me about a day and a half to do it all, trust me there was no fucking sleeping. A couple of times I think i came close, shit started fading out, I felt super weird, heart literally going to jump out of chest and profusely sweating- could have been the meth tho. As you can see, I did not succeed. What did happen though was I stayed up for 6 entire day and did not eat for 7. Those were some weird fucking days, man.

I then decided that I clearly was not my time to go or I can consume large quantities of drugs and be ok, for the most part. Neat, i guess. So started to pull my head out of my ass, slowly but surely. Throughout this entire debacle, which occurred over a timespan of roughly 4-5 months, There were moments of clarity, glimmers of hope, times of perseverance but I always backslid, not back to the dugs bad just from a depression perspective. I relied extremely heavily on am amazing group of friends, the core of whom are members here and they listened to me, gave me advice and most importantly tough love when I needed it. Where am i going with all of this? Fucked if I know. I wanted to share, cause that is what i do. I wanted to say hi and I wanted you all to know I am still alive.

I used to be incontrol of my life, my mind, my feelings and emotions. I am getting that back and i will not stop until I am successful.

Nobody gonna break my stride, nobody gonna hold me down.....



<3
 
Sounds weird since we've never met, but I've thought about you a bit man. Hence why I'd randomly shoot you a message on fb. Even if you didn't respond, it was just so that you knew some random dude in Cleveland had your back. Glad to see you post again brother. If you want some tough love, or someone random to vent to, or someone to make fun of, you know how to get a hold of me.
 

OceanOfMead

Moderator
Staff member
Sounds weird since we've never met, but I've thought about you a bit man. Hence why I'd randomly shoot you a message on fb. Even if you didn't respond, it was just so that you knew some random dude in Cleveland had your back. Glad to see you post again brother. If you want some tough love, or someone random to vent to, or someone to make fun of, you know how to get a hold of me.
Prepare for ball pics and random phone calls and your wife asking who you are talking to once he has your number.
 
Oh man, I’m glad you’ve made it out the other side of all of that craziness. That is really scary.

I’ve never done meth or heroin, but coke is the absolute worst. It leaves a person feeling so empty inside.

Hang in there and take one positive step after another.
 
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