I am Admin please halp

[reverseapachemaster]

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

 

[Lutter]

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 

[OceanOfMead]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

MordorMongo cc: Melovino.

 

[MikeJones]

MordorMongo cc: Melovino.

I already invited Sergio.

 

[OceanOfMead]

I already invited Sergio.

Figures.

 

[rmalinowski4]

So there is this small, underwater village located about 35 miles off the western coast of Africa. In this town is a small fish mill company, run by two dolphins. This mill is part of a larger fish corporation, called FishCo, which is known for its high quality fish. Now, with a high-quality product must come a high-quality production system, and FishCo is no exception. Their business system, which is loosely based on the Toyota Production System, is well-known around the Atlantic ocean as one of the best.

The two dolphins running the mill, however, don't have the strongest faith in the FPS (FishCo Production System), so they choose to ignore some of the points of this system. They get away with this for several months, because FishCo is such a big corporation that it only looks at those mills that aren't reaching their production goals, so these two dolphins don't need to worry about some big fish (look, a joke within a joke) getting upset about their lack of FPS progress.

All that changes in one month's time, though, when one of the fish machines goes down only two days into the new month. The dolphins send out for a repair man as quick as they can, and he has it fixed as soon as possible, but its not good enough; they're 5000 fish short. They try to ramp up production, but the end of the month soon nears and they are still 4500 fish away from their goal.

Knowing that a missed month, especially one by so much, would bring some undesirable attention from upper management, they spring into action. They have overtime everyday, and bring the workers in on the weekend to try to meet the demand. They are also fully aware that the small village in which their mill is located is pretty much supported by them, so they call on the help of the locals. They have a "fish drive", where villagers can bring in their home-grown fish and add them to the pot, with the knowledge that every fish they bring in helps them stave off the possibility of the fish mill closing and the town growing bankrupt.

The fish are flying in at them from all angles: the mill is producing at a higher rate than ever before, the fish drive was a huge success, and the outsourced orders they made when the machine went down for fish came in. When all was said and done, they were only 750 short for the month. The dolphins breathed a sigh of relief, as being only 750 short should keep them off the list of 10 lowest for the month. If your mill is on that list, you get an automatic visit from corporate, and they figured with their excellent track record, they should be forgiven one bad month.

The dolphins came into work on Monday (the first one of the next month) with the belief that the bad month is behind them, and they would be able to go on with business as usual. However, when they checked their e-mail, they had a horrible shock; a message from corporate! Apparently there were strong currents off the coast of south america which led to those mills (usually some of the lowest) producing at unprecedented levels, and the east Galveston mill (always one of the worst) had caught fire and burned to the ground, keeping them off the list. This meant, unfortunately for the dolphins, that they were now on the 10 lowest list, and management was swimming their way right now and would arrive in 3 days.

The dolphins tried their best to bring the mill up to code with the FPS, but it was to no avail. They were reamed in a meeting for more than 2 hours on how the production system would have saved them from such a horrible month, and how they were incredibly ignorant to ignore it. When all was said and done, they were left with an expansive list of orders, and the knowledge that management would be coming in every month to see their progress.

At the end of that horrible day, the two dolphins decided to head to the local pub and get a drink. As was the case with most of the buildings in this town, the pub had many leaks (after all, they were underwater). And if the day couldn't have been any worse, a new leak sprung right over where one of the dolphins was sitting. Being dolphins, he didn't mind very much, but every time he would turn to check the score, his blowhole would fill up, forcing him to blast the water out of it (the dolphin equivalent of spitting). Unfortunately for the other dolphin, this "spit" would hit him right in the face. This happened a number of times, and each time the dolphin apologized, saying it was an accident.

As the game was drawing to an end, the dolphin was so fixated that he didn't realize his blowhole filling up until it was almost too much for him to handle, he took a deep breath and blasted the water out of his blowhole harder than he had ever before, forcing all the water into the face of his dolphin-friend.

This was the last straw. the other dolphin stood up, took a deep breath, and shouted, "come on, you're doing that on porpoise!"

 

[OceanOfMead]

So there is this small, underwater village located about 35 miles off the western coast of Africa. In this town is a small fish mill company, run by two dolphins. This mill is part of a larger fish corporation, called FishCo, which is known for its high quality fish. Now, with a high-quality product must come a high-quality production system, and FishCo is no exception. Their business system, which is loosely based on the Toyota Production System, is well-known around the Atlantic ocean as one of the best.

The two dolphins running the mill, however, don't have the strongest faith in the FPS (FishCo Production System), so they choose to ignore some of the points of this system. They get away with this for several months, because FishCo is such a big corporation that it only looks at those mills that aren't reaching their production goals, so these two dolphins don't need to worry about some big fish (look, a joke within a joke) getting upset about their lack of FPS progress.

All that changes in one month's time, though, when one of the fish machines goes down only two days into the new month. The dolphins send out for a repair man as quick as they can, and he has it fixed as soon as possible, but its not good enough; they're 5000 fish short. They try to ramp up production, but the end of the month soon nears and they are still 4500 fish away from their goal.

Knowing that a missed month, especially one by so much, would bring some undesirable attention from upper management, they spring into action. They have overtime everyday, and bring the workers in on the weekend to try to meet the demand. They are also fully aware that the small village in which their mill is located is pretty much supported by them, so they call on the help of the locals. They have a "fish drive", where villagers can bring in their home-grown fish and add them to the pot, with the knowledge that every fish they bring in helps them stave off the possibility of the fish mill closing and the town growing bankrupt.

The fish are flying in at them from all angles: the mill is producing at a higher rate than ever before, the fish drive was a huge success, and the outsourced orders they made when the machine went down for fish came in. When all was said and done, they were only 750 short for the month. The dolphins breathed a sigh of relief, as being only 750 short should keep them off the list of 10 lowest for the month. If your mill is on that list, you get an automatic visit from corporate, and they figured with their excellent track record, they should be forgiven one bad month.

The dolphins came into work on Monday (the first one of the next month) with the belief that the bad month is behind them, and they would be able to go on with business as usual. However, when they checked their e-mail, they had a horrible shock; a message from corporate! Apparently there were strong currents off the coast of south america which led to those mills (usually some of the lowest) producing at unprecedented levels, and the east Galveston mill (always one of the worst) had caught fire and burned to the ground, keeping them off the list. This meant, unfortunately for the dolphins, that they were now on the 10 lowest list, and management was swimming their way right now and would arrive in 3 days.

The dolphins tried their best to bring the mill up to code with the FPS, but it was to no avail. They were reamed in a meeting for more than 2 hours on how the production system would have saved them from such a horrible month, and how they were incredibly ignorant to ignore it. When all was said and done, they were left with an expansive list of orders, and the knowledge that management would be coming in every month to see their progress.

At the end of that horrible day, the two dolphins decided to head to the local pub and get a drink. As was the case with most of the buildings in this town, the pub had many leaks (after all, they were underwater). And if the day couldn't have been any worse, a new leak sprung right over where one of the dolphins was sitting. Being dolphins, he didn't mind very much, but every time he would turn to check the score, his blowhole would fill up, forcing him to blast the water out of it (the dolphin equivalent of spitting). Unfortunately for the other dolphin, this "spit" would hit him right in the face. This happened a number of times, and each time the dolphin apologized, saying it was an accident.

As the game was drawing to an end, the dolphin was so fixated that he didn't realize his blowhole filling up until it was almost too much for him to handle, he took a deep breath and blasted the water out of his blowhole harder than he had ever before, forcing all the water into the face of his dolphin-friend.

This was the last straw. the other dolphin stood up, took a deep breath, and shouted, "come on, you're doing that on porpoise!"

Oh fuck you.

 

[BadJustin]

Best thread on the site.

 

[iamjeff6]

What happened you ask? I got fucked up, I was drinking Caribou Lou on the fuckin’ Carnival rides and fuckin’ got fucked up, apparently I fuckin’ passed out and then my fuckin’ homeboy fuckin’ come shows up out of nowhere and gets me back to the fuckin’ tent man apparently I fuckin’ fell out in the middle of the road, apparently I had motha fuckas come up to me and ask me how I am, that’s how bad it was it was a fuckin spectacle n shit and I don’t give a fuck cause that was righteous. I’ll tell you for real about being a Juggalo man that shit made me the mother fucker I am today honest to god man if it weren’t for fuckin’ Jay and Shay dude that shit would not be on I would be, I don’t wanna fuckin’ think that kinda motha fucka I’d be. I’d grow up to be a fuckin’ decent fuckin’ good hearted good natured mother fucker. I’m a fuckin’ nice person I can cook like a mother fucker make some fuckin’ straight up fuckin’ grub, fuckin’ chicken fried steak, fuckin’ collard greens, fuckin’ mash potatoes, all that fuckin’ good ass sausage, gravy, biscuits, fuckin’ everythang man, I cook like a mother fucker.

I wanna find a skinny ass little bitch and make her fat and we can lose weight together and we’ll bond

 

[IndianaJones]

So there is this small, underwater village located about 35 miles off the western coast of Africa. In this town is a small fish mill company, run by two dolphins. This mill is part of a larger fish corporation, called FishCo, which is known for its high quality fish. Now, with a high-quality product must come a high-quality production system, and FishCo is no exception. Their business system, which is loosely based on the Toyota Production System, is well-known around the Atlantic ocean as one of the best.

The two dolphins running the mill, however, don't have the strongest faith in the FPS (FishCo Production System), so they choose to ignore some of the points of this system. They get away with this for several months, because FishCo is such a big corporation that it only looks at those mills that aren't reaching their production goals, so these two dolphins don't need to worry about some big fish (look, a joke within a joke) getting upset about their lack of FPS progress.

All that changes in one month's time, though, when one of the fish machines goes down only two days into the new month. The dolphins send out for a repair man as quick as they can, and he has it fixed as soon as possible, but its not good enough; they're 5000 fish short. They try to ramp up production, but the end of the month soon nears and they are still 4500 fish away from their goal.

Knowing that a missed month, especially one by so much, would bring some undesirable attention from upper management, they spring into action. They have overtime everyday, and bring the workers in on the weekend to try to meet the demand. They are also fully aware that the small village in which their mill is located is pretty much supported by them, so they call on the help of the locals. They have a "fish drive", where villagers can bring in their home-grown fish and add them to the pot, with the knowledge that every fish they bring in helps them stave off the possibility of the fish mill closing and the town growing bankrupt.

The fish are flying in at them from all angles: the mill is producing at a higher rate than ever before, the fish drive was a huge success, and the outsourced orders they made when the machine went down for fish came in. When all was said and done, they were only 750 short for the month. The dolphins breathed a sigh of relief, as being only 750 short should keep them off the list of 10 lowest for the month. If your mill is on that list, you get an automatic visit from corporate, and they figured with their excellent track record, they should be forgiven one bad month.

The dolphins came into work on Monday (the first one of the next month) with the belief that the bad month is behind them, and they would be able to go on with business as usual. However, when they checked their e-mail, they had a horrible shock; a message from corporate! Apparently there were strong currents off the coast of south america which led to those mills (usually some of the lowest) producing at unprecedented levels, and the east Galveston mill (always one of the worst) had caught fire and burned to the ground, keeping them off the list. This meant, unfortunately for the dolphins, that they were now on the 10 lowest list, and management was swimming their way right now and would arrive in 3 days.

The dolphins tried their best to bring the mill up to code with the FPS, but it was to no avail. They were reamed in a meeting for more than 2 hours on how the production system would have saved them from such a horrible month, and how they were incredibly ignorant to ignore it. When all was said and done, they were left with an expansive list of orders, and the knowledge that management would be coming in every month to see their progress.

At the end of that horrible day, the two dolphins decided to head to the local pub and get a drink. As was the case with most of the buildings in this town, the pub had many leaks (after all, they were underwater). And if the day couldn't have been any worse, a new leak sprung right over where one of the dolphins was sitting. Being dolphins, he didn't mind very much, but every time he would turn to check the score, his blowhole would fill up, forcing him to blast the water out of it (the dolphin equivalent of spitting). Unfortunately for the other dolphin, this "spit" would hit him right in the face. This happened a number of times, and each time the dolphin apologized, saying it was an accident.

As the game was drawing to an end, the dolphin was so fixated that he didn't realize his blowhole filling up until it was almost too much for him to handle, he took a deep breath and blasted the water out of his blowhole harder than he had ever before, forcing all the water into the face of his dolphin-friend.

This was the last straw. the other dolphin stood up, took a deep breath, and shouted, "come on, you're doing that on porpoise!"

I was really hoping this would end with the Undertaker throwing Mankind off Hell in a Cell and plummeting 16ft through an announcer's table