ah. i don't know shit about shit either, but what worked for me to get in to running was the couch to 5k plan (
http://www.c25k.com)
and i started just doing simple body weight exercises some time ago.
The best bodyweight workout and exercises for beginners you can do at home. No equipment or gym required. Build muscle and burn fat anywhere!
www.nerdfitness.com
This is the Beginner Bodyweight Workout (3 Circuits):
- 20 Bodyweight squats.
- 10 Push-ups.
- 10 Walking lunges (each leg).
- 10 Dumbbell rows (use a milk jug or other weight).
- 15 Second Plank.
- 30 Jumping jacks.
also, get yourself a
doorway pull-up bar.
it'll take time to build up to a full pull up, but it will happen over time if you stick with the body weight exercises and try to do a pull up every other day for a while.
i've never been the type to throw weights around, or get serious about weightlifting and getting in serious, serious shape, but then i've always found that these sort of shock diets, intense workouts, etc. aren't long lasting for most people. it's better (imo) to build slowly with easy to accomplish goals and push forward until it becomes ingrained in what you do.
set aside specific times of day, days of the week, that work for you.
upside to running and body weight workouts are both are inexpensive and you can do them at home (well, outside for the running) and you don't need a gym membership. this way there also aren't obstacles to doing what you need to do. shitty weather won't stop you driving to the gym. you won't waste 30 minutes round trip getting there and back, etc. you don't have to wait for machines.
you just do what you do when you want. next thing you know 3 months have passed and you're clocking 5k's regularly, ripping off 40 push ups at a time, doing a pull up every day and telling your wife your entry in the Mr. Universe competition was accepted. the shtick possibilities for annoying your wife become endless at this point.
eta: i didn't start doing any of this shit until i was in my early 30s after basically devolving in to a trash pile for 15 years. had been that long since i'd done anything more than play pickup basketball a couple times per year. and i'd abused my body with booze, drugs and cigarettes... piled on the weight and thought i'd never, ever do anything other than keep getting fatter. running and exercise was way out of the picture for me until my closest friends were like "dude, you're going to die. we don't want you dead." and it hit me that i could do something about it.
am by no means a physical specimen, but am in the best shape of my life at 45. even if that shape is still somewhere between "not bad" and "a bit soft". working out makes me happy and it feels awesome.
i'm 1,000,000% in for you making this happen. you can do it.